Look Ma...no chin!

the pic on the right is new...it was taken at a Beth Moore Conference in San Antonio this summer...she rocks btw...i'm "J", i'm the one in the middle...we took this pic ourselves...i was told that if you press your tongue up to the roof of your mouth while you're smiling, it will make your double chin go away...i was obviously concentrating on this very very hard while i took this picture...i think i actually gagged myself...that's all i'm saying.

"J"

An Oldie, but a Goodie

I'm trying to put some of my "Loretta Stories" together...for a future bestseller...so here's an oldie, but a goodie...

The year, 1991...the season, Christmas...the boyfriend, Paul, new since September...the mother, same ol, same ol... Paul and I had been dating for about 3 months when I asked him on Christmas Eve, when I got off work at the Galleria (pause for groaning at the thought of working Christmas Eve at the Galleria) if he wanted to come home with me for Christmas. He said he would, I called home and checked with my parents...all was set. Now keep in mind, it's after 8:00 p.m. the day before Christmas. We get to my parent's house really late and go straight to sleep...Santa's coming! The next morning I spied 3 wrapped gifts under the tree with "Paul" on the tag. PANIC!!! I whispered in his ear, "Just so you know, those gifts weren't bought for you..." "Huh?!?" So I explained...my mom has a long tradition of re-gifting and wrapping random 'male' and 'female' gifts untagged under the tree...she keeps the tags along with a pen under the tree skirt so that when that impromptu visitor comes by with a gift she can run and "grab theirs" from under the tree. So, knowing the stores close earlier Christmas Eve, that she didn't even know he was coming until late the night before, and that she's cheap...I knew there was no way those 3 gifts were bought for him. The opening of the presents begins...his first gift, a cologne gift set - GUCCI - sealed in plastic overlay from Eckerd Drugs (tacky, but not too bad)...his second gift, a Precious Moments kitchen towel, beige, with the little boy and girl sitting back to back on a stump with "Love One Another" written underneath (YIKES!!! He's a 21 year old man...he has an apartment with another guy...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?)...the third gift, a Hallmark ornament with two mice dancing on a piano with the caption "Our First Christmas Together 1990" (HELLO...It's 1991!!! Where did she even get that?)...but the good news is that we've been hanging that ornament on our tree every year for 14 years as our Christmas tradition and laugh...I highly recommend the laugh!

"J"

"Come 'n listen to my story..."

All 5 of us went to a 3 yr. old birthday party today.  Of course, we were in a hurry!  As we run out the door, I ask my husband, "Hey, do you know where Lyla's shoes are?"  He responded with a quick,"Yea, they're in the car."  So off we went.

We arrived at the party and had to park 6 blocks away (not really, but felt like it) because there were so many people there.  I get Lyla out of the car and guess what?  NO SHOES!!!  We get inside and there are 30 kids and all of their parents.  Oh yea, forgot to mention that all of these people go to our church!

 I know what they were thinking... "Oh look, here comes Jethro and Ellie Mae and all their chitlins.  Bless their hearts!"

~A

"Babbits"

"You got babbits, Mommy?  I got babbits, you got babbits, Mommy?"

What on earth could this possibly mean coming from my barely 3 yr. old?  It took me lots of time going through every word she knows to find out what she's talking about.  

Finally, she told me about seeing my nephew and he had "funny babbits."

Well, what she really means is, "You got privates, Mommy."  Whatever... please tell me life gets easier with 3 girls!  Seriously...somebody just tell me this to make me feel better.

~A

You've got to be kidding!

This morning there was crying over clothes...yes, you heard me, clothes! Did you cry over clothes when you were young? I don't remember crying over what to wear to school. I rememeber crying when I got caught cheating on a test in 4th grade, crying when I got caught stealing the car at 15, crying because I wasn't allowed to go to the prom in 11th grade because of my grades! But she's crying over her clothes...Not world hunger, not gas prices, not sheet wrinkles on my face, but clothes! CRYING BY MY 10 YEAR OLD! She was crying because she didn't want to wear the outfit that was out for her to wear. Now, please let me clarify so I don't get comments with great ideas on how to avoid morning drama...like having her pick out her clothes the night before...she did that. SHE DID THAT!!! She did that and still she is crying over the outfit that she chose the night before because it was not the right outfit this morning! WHAT? Okay...and then to add to the drama, she decided that she need to bring a change of clothes to wear to P.E. because they are doing gymnastics this 9 weeks...so she picks out a skirt! HUH??? She has on a pair of shorts and needs to bring a skirt to do gymnastics in so she'll be more comfortable. I don't even understand this...I tried to explain that she could grab her soccer shorts, so she grabbed her tennis skirt. I tried again to explain that you can't do gymnastics in a skirt because you can't split your legs to kick up to a handstand with skirt on...she then tried to explain to me that hers was a skort not a skirt, it has shorts under it...so I then said, "Then just wear shorts." More tears! Lots of moaning and groaning...this, my friends, is a very big deal! So I said, "Just go get your gym shorts out to bring." And then she yelled, "Mom, this is not GYM, it's GYMnastics!!! You just don't get me!!!" And what I didn't say is that I pride myself in that! I can't wait till she gets to be a teenager...GOOD TIMES AHEAD!!!

"J"

Sheet Wrinkles on my face...

I cannot make them go away! When I was younger, they were endearing. There for a few minutes reminding me what a good, hard sleep I had just had. Then they were gone. Now, not so much! Now, they are there for hours, reminding me that I have no more elasticity in my face and that I'm getting old. This morning I massaged them, lotioned them, steamed them and even tried to stretch them...you see, I didn't have the time to wait for them to just leisurely disappear...I had places to go, people to see, PTO meetings to attend. Do other PTO moms have sheet wrinkles 3 hours after they wake up?!?! I DON"T THINK SO! You know why? Because they are AT LEAST 5 years younger than me...they are all Kindergartener's moms...not 5th graders moms! And you know why? Because after you've had a child in school for 5 years, your desire to be on the PTO (let alone the treasurer...I don't even balance my own checkbook) has faded...like your sheet wrinkles use to when you were in your 30s! Whatever!

And to make me feel better about my age, I will, from time to time, remind my girls that I am 40 - so I have some credit, a little clout...like they're not the only ones who know everything. Like I need to boost their confidence (or mine) that I just might be smart enough to carry on an intelligent conversation with an almost 9 and 10 year old. Do your kids question everything you say? Do they ask you after you give them an answer, "How do you know?" Or try to make sure you're catching on to their conversation by asking, "Mom, do you get me?" So, this weekend, my almost 9 year old was telling me something and then said the infamous..."Mom, do you understand what I mean?"...and I, rather defensively said, "YES...I'm 40! There's not going to be anything that you know that I'm not going to know." And then she said, "Well, You don't know all the moon phases." She's got me there...

"J"

Let's Potty!

I seem to have a blog theme going!  Anyway, I'm really struggling with potty training my now THREE YEAR OLD!  You would think that I would've figured this out by now...she is my third child.  

So... this morning I finally say, "No more pull-ups in the house.  They are all gone, and the store has no more to buy.  You must be a big girl and wear panties like all of your other friends and your sisters."  She stood there a moment and looked at me, little wheels turning in her brain.

She becomes hysterical and yells,  "I not a big girl- I the baby- I can't potty- I not like it- it's not fun- no mommy, I the baby- I the baby."  She then spreads out on the floor in dramatic fashion crying for 20 minutes.  

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

~A