An Oldie, but a Goodie

I'm trying to put some of my "Loretta Stories" together...for a future bestseller...so here's an oldie, but a goodie...

The year, 1991...the season, Christmas...the boyfriend, Paul, new since September...the mother, same ol, same ol... Paul and I had been dating for about 3 months when I asked him on Christmas Eve, when I got off work at the Galleria (pause for groaning at the thought of working Christmas Eve at the Galleria) if he wanted to come home with me for Christmas. He said he would, I called home and checked with my parents...all was set. Now keep in mind, it's after 8:00 p.m. the day before Christmas. We get to my parent's house really late and go straight to sleep...Santa's coming! The next morning I spied 3 wrapped gifts under the tree with "Paul" on the tag. PANIC!!! I whispered in his ear, "Just so you know, those gifts weren't bought for you..." "Huh?!?" So I explained...my mom has a long tradition of re-gifting and wrapping random 'male' and 'female' gifts untagged under the tree...she keeps the tags along with a pen under the tree skirt so that when that impromptu visitor comes by with a gift she can run and "grab theirs" from under the tree. So, knowing the stores close earlier Christmas Eve, that she didn't even know he was coming until late the night before, and that she's cheap...I knew there was no way those 3 gifts were bought for him. The opening of the presents begins...his first gift, a cologne gift set - GUCCI - sealed in plastic overlay from Eckerd Drugs (tacky, but not too bad)...his second gift, a Precious Moments kitchen towel, beige, with the little boy and girl sitting back to back on a stump with "Love One Another" written underneath (YIKES!!! He's a 21 year old man...he has an apartment with another guy...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?)...the third gift, a Hallmark ornament with two mice dancing on a piano with the caption "Our First Christmas Together 1990" (HELLO...It's 1991!!! Where did she even get that?)...but the good news is that we've been hanging that ornament on our tree every year for 14 years as our Christmas tradition and laugh...I highly recommend the laugh!

"J"

Different "Strokes"

I went to one of these new little painting places w/ 3 girlfriends Monday night...it was a blast! They had 75 people sitting at 6 long tables, no credit card machine, and the "instructor" didn't have a microphone. Seriously. That aside, an evening full of fun! The picture they were painting that night was...oh let's just call it modern; contemporary. It was 9 squares, like the Brady Bunch intro, but instead of the faces of our beloved Carol and Mike, et al; we had multi-colored, funky shaped circles. Well, although the colors were spot-on to match my den; it was a bit of a stretch in the ultra-funk category...so, I hung it in my bathroom. Fast forward two days and add to it a impromptu visit from my mother. She asked me, "Where did you get that painting in the bathroom?" (Now, let's keep in mind that it is signed by me in the corner...hmmm...a bit suspicious...but I didn't think of that at the time.) I was actually impressed and excited that she noticed it was new. I quickly said, "I painted it!" She said, "WOW! That's sure a lot to look at! I couldn't get my eyes to even focus on it, it was so wild." Paused a moment and then added, "You couldn't be too proud of it, you hung it in the bathroom." Instant deflation...until I remembered that this is the same woman who owned an ultra suede couch with a large giraffe print on it...so, I just smiled.

J

The Devil Gave Me a Cold

I told my husband this week that the devil was giving me a cold. I think this is so because I've been putting off getting stuff done around the house, and now that I have the time, I just don't feel very good. I get so grumpy when I'm sick...why is it that people say crappy things when they don't feel well? My mother called yesterday and left me a message...it said that since she was sick and had to stay in bed, she finally had time to listen about my mission trip to West Africa. Really?!?! Who says that? It's like saying that you think the milk is spoiled, here taste it! I'm going to have to start a whole new blog if I'm going to start writing about my mother.
~J